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Here's where I finally get to plug some of my own concerts! Those of you who are offended by the shameless promotional language employed herein may send me an e-request to have yourself eliminated. =============================================================

The "FESTIVAL of PLONSEY" is spaced over 8 days, and there are only 3 performances. This allows the audience(s) to reel about in consternation in the comforts of their own homes. I anticipate that some may need to sleep every waking moment of this time.

The "FESTIVAL of PLONSEY" is an entirely self-proclaimed holiday sort of event, designed to promote awareness and appreciation for the name PLONSEY, and for all for which it stands.

1. Saturday, July 20: At the Stork Club (380 12th St., Oakland). 9:30 PM. $5.

* Disaster Opera Theatre presents a thoroughly enjoyable sitcom, set to improvised music. Inspired by the sight of an empty stage with well-lit chairs behind ABB-EBB at Beanbender's, I thought: "This music is very nice, but it would be even better if 2 or 3 people should walk to the stage, sit, and proceed to eat a simple meal while bantering inanely and stiltedly upon various subjects, from the metaphysical to the concrete." This performance features some of the finest and most agreeably inept musicians coping with insane demands while Mantra and I hold forth upon the most compelling and yet meaningless subjects imaginable. Perhaps there will be some hilarity.

* Also, on the same bill, The Manufacturing of Humidifiers: Dan Plonsey, Randy Porter, and a sub for Wad Spangler perhaps. As noted scenester Buzz Vanderschoot has acknowledged, "Most of the musicians in this scene are so serious! You guys aren't afraid to be funny." We also aren't afraid to play out the windows of Randy Porter's automobile, if we have to, in order to make a good recording.

* Also on the bill are the duets of "Steve Adams & Dave Barrett," and the notorious "Suicide Clutch" (Tom Yoder & Mic Gendreau) who play until a homemade bomb explodes.

2. Wednesday, July 24: At Venue 9, 252 9th St., SF. 8PM. $5

* I have gone somewhat overboard, burying myself in my garage and emerging with 14 pieces for an ensemble of 10 of the area's finest players, from that realm which is the intersection of improvisation and art rock and new music: Dave Barrett (Splatter Trio), Laura Carmichael (Alternate Currents), Jenny Scheinman (Charming Hostess), Carla Kihlstedt (Charming Hostess), Sarah Willner (Gamelan Sekar Jaya), John Schott (Snorkel, Diglossia, Junk Genius), Steve Lew (Eskimo), Graham Connah (Graham Connah), and Gino Robair (Splatter Trio). Fortunately, these 14 pieces are very very crude and most are quite short. If we can't squeeze 'em all in sequentially, we'll play a few simultaneously. The music is written for an ensemble such as might exist in a small town whose citizens are of the most curmudgeonly sort, whose simple music is enriched by frequent outbursts from the willful, opinionated and stubborn players. Something like the ensemble that existed in Charles Ives' mind's eye.

* Also on the bill: new trio music by John Schott, for Jenny Scheinman, Dan Seamons, and himself.

3. Sunday, July 28: At Beanbender's (The Berkeley Store Gallery), 2295 Shattuck Ave., Berkeley. 8PM. $5.

* The same ensemble as #2 above plays more of the same music, but differently.

* Also: Zen Cohen presents a work which merges narrative, music and dance, and whose libretto is of a metaphysical nature. With Spirit, Marco Eneidi, Ron Heglin, Scott Rosenberg, Dan Plonsey, and a group of dancers.

I hope to see you at some or all of these events! Anyone who manages to come to all three will be given a copy of my "Ames Family Stories," an indispensable guide to all fans of Disaster Opera Theatre.

Dan